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Pleasure Uprising: Desire, Attachment, and the Sex You Actually Want
Formerly The Desire Gap Podcast
Most people who feel disconnected from their desire, their pleasure, or their partners have spent years assuming something is wrong with them. It isn't. The disconnection is real — but it traces back to what most of us were never taught: how to be in our bodies fully, how to connect to each other authentically, how to know and ask for what we need without guilt or shame. Culture shapes that — the broader culture we inherit, and the family we grew up in — and it can be unlearned. Pleasure, secure attachment, and authentic desire are your birthright.
You can learn what you were never taught — and unlearn what got in the way.
Dr. Laura Jurgens is a somatic sex and intimacy specialist, Master Certified Intimacy Coach, American Board of Sexology Certified Sex Educator, and former research professor whose work sits at the intersection of nervous system science, attachment theory, and genuine embodied pleasure. Every episode delivers the somatic, body-based tools that generic relationship advice and most therapists miss entirely — because desire, pleasure, and connection aren't fixed by talking more. They're fixed by giving your body and your nervous system reparative experiences and embodied practices that shift you out of your past.
This show covers: getting out of your head during sex · low libido and what actually helps · somatic and nervous system approaches to intimacy · desire discrepancy and mismatched libido · secure attachment and relationship repair · sexual shame and body disconnection · how to talk about sex without fighting · ADHD and desire · the orgasm gap and why it exists · reclaiming pleasure on your own terms.
Whether you've tried therapy, books, or just quietly wondering why intimacy feels harder than it should — this show will help you understand why those things don't move the needle — and what does.
New episodes weekly. Start wherever you are.
Free resource: Get Out of Your Head — A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide
For deeper dives-- including cultural analysis and the research behind desire, arousal, and attachment -- plus a chance to ask me questions, subscribe to my Substack: https://laurajurgens.substack.com/
Episodes
118 episodes
Low Libido Isn't a Mindset Problem: Why You Can't Think Your Way to Desire
If you've been trying to figure out how to want sex more and nothing is working — this episode is going to explain why. And it's probably not the answer you've heard before.A lot of people struggling with low desire or low libido have al...
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Sexual Shame: Why We All Have It and How to Give It Back
Most people carry sexual shame so quietly and for so long that it starts to feel like a character trait rather than something that was handed to them. It isn't. Every flavor of shame — about wanting too much, too little, taking too long, not ta...
Pleasure Uprising: Why Culture Owes You an Apology
Have you ever followed the "right" advice and ended up further from yourself?That's what this episode is about — and it's also why we're now Pleasure Uprising: Desire, Attachment, and the Sex You Actually Want. The evolution of ...
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Confident, not controlling: what "take charge in bed" actually means
When a woman asks a male partner to "be more assertive in bed," those words are typically landing differently than she intends — and differently than he's hearing them. This is a gendered language problem, and it's causing real confusion, frust...
Why you don't want the honeymoon phase back (and what's actually better)
You've heard it a thousand times: "keep the spark alive, get back to how it used to be, recreate that honeymoon phase magic." But what if that's the wrong goal entirely?Here's what nobody tells you: the honeymoon phase wa...
BONUS: Your Kids Are Watching: Teaching Embodied Consent (Podcasthon for Freedom Network USA)
BONUS: Teaching embodied consent at home—for your kids AND your relationship.This special Podcasthon 2026 episode benefits Freedom Network USA, the largest coalition working on human trafficking in the United States. Prevention of...
Touch Aversion: When your partner's touch makes your skin crawl (and what helps)
Does your partner's touch make your skin crawl? You're not broken—and this is fixable.Touch aversion is when affectionate or sexual touch from your partner feels wrong in your body— irritating, threatening, or like you need to esc...
The Golden Rule of Sex (and why that Other One does NOT apply)
Treat others the way you want to be treated? Great rule. Terrible sex advice.In this episode I'm breaking down the principle that actually works — go at the pace of the slowest body in the room, with open curiosity — and why applying the...
How to know when it's time to stop learning and start doing
Ever notice how sometimes the answer isn't more information — it's actually doing something with what you already know?Like when your car is broken, you don't actually need more information from the mechanic after a certain point....
The one thing you haven't tried for mismatched libido
You've read the books. Maybe you've done therapy. You've tried scheduled sex, date nights, "just doing it." And you're still stuck.Here's why: you've been trying to fix a layout problem with decorative solutions.In t...
How do I fix my desire gap when my partner won't go to therapy?
If you're ready to work on your desire gap but your partner won't go to therapy or coaching, this episode is for you.The answer to "can I actually fix this alone?" is yes — and today I break down exactly how individual work changes the e...
Is your 'low libido' actually your body setting boundaries?
Avoiding sex? Feeling the "ick" when your partner initiates? Going to bed at 8pm to dodge intimacy? You probably think you have low libido. But what if that's not what's actually happening?In this vulnerable episode, I share my own story...
Too tired for sex? How burnout kills desire, with Dr. Amy Grimm
When you're running on empty, sex feels like just another demand on your already depleted system. But burnout isn't just affecting your work life—it's killing your desire and disconnecting you from your partner.Dr. Amy Grimm, veterinaria...
The 1-minute body practice that unlocks what you actually want sexually
Before you can solve your desire gap, you need to know what you actually want. This super simple, somatic practice helps you stop overthinking sex, connect to your body's truth, and find the safety you need to access authentic desire. Whether y...
ADHD & Desire Gaps, Part 2: How to stay present during sex
Part 1 in this series covered how ADHD affects desire. Now let's get practical.Mid-sex, suddenly thinking about work emails and grocery lists? Your partner can tell you're not fully there . . . and it doesn't feel great to you either. Yo...
Why "love should be effortless" is ruining your relationship
You've been sold a lie: that if your relationship needs work, something is fundamentally wrong. That love should just happen naturally if you're compatible. That needing help means you're failing.This myth keeps people stuck in mediocre ...
Why do I want sex so much (or so little)? Understanding your desires
If you're dealing with a desire discrepancy, you probably think you know what you want: more sex, or less sex. But what I've learned is this: there's always more under the surface. And that information is gold for figuring out the way forward t...
AI and your sex life: when it helps & when it causes more harm
Thinking about asking ChatGPT about your desire gap at 2am? You're not alone—lots of people are turning to AI for relationship help. And I get it. It's free, private, and you don't have to admit to another human that you're struggling.Bu...
The 10 biggest mistakes people make with desire discrepancies
This is THE episode to share. After 100 episodes and years of working with couples on mismatched desire, I'm breaking down the 10 mistakes that keep you stuck—from obligation sex and taking rejection personally, to making every touch sexual and...
What to do when depression & antidepressants kill your libido: real talk & my story
Depression tanks your libido. Then you finally get help with antidepressants—and your sex drive tanks even more. If this is you, you're not broken. You're dealing with a real, common side effect that nobody wants to talk about.In this ep...
When holiday stress kills desire (your sex life doesn't need to be a Hallmark movie)
If you're not tearing each other's matching pajamas off for holiday romance, you're not broken - you're normal. The holidays come with dreamy visions of mistletoe magic, but the reality is stress, family drama, overbooked schedules, and exhaust...
What you're really working toward with mismatched libidos
Most people think the goal with mismatched libidos is making the lower-desire partner want more of the sex you've been having—or making the higher-desire partner want less. But that's not it. And it wouldn't work anyway.
You DO have options: what higher-desire partners can actually do
Feeling stuck, powerless, and like your needs don't matter? This episode is for you.A listener wrote: "I feel like you only talk about what the low-libido partner needs. What about me?" He's right—I needed to address this more directly.<...
Why obligation sex destroys desire (and what works better)
You think having sex when you don't really want to will keep your partner happy. But obligation sex actually destroys desire—and doesn't help either of you in the long run.Research shows that when you cross your own boundaries repeatedly...
Your brain is keeping you stuck in a desire gap (here's how to override it)
You know your desire discrepancy is a problem. You've known for months, maybe years. So why haven't you done anything about it? It's not laziness or lack of care—it's your brain doing exactly what evolution designed it to do. Here's how to over...